Hellfire and Damnation Essay -- essays papers

Hellfire and DamnationLooking back on my childhood, I have many memories shrouded in fear and self-loathing. I was raised in the Baptist church. My mother and gran made sure that I attended church every Sunday morning. My grandmother was from the mid-west. She carried her strict Bible belt soil with her as she traveled west with my grandfather. The many lessons I learned from my grandmother and the minister at our church played a big character reference in how I began to see the world and my place in it.It would seem, flavor back now, that the whole basis for my teachings during those early years was fear. I had the more or less intense fear of going to Hell. The only thing one had to dwell some Hell was that it was the place where ones worst nightmares became real. The actually horrible part was that Hell was for eternity. This one life that I had to give way could determine whether or not eternity would be heaven or hell. From my experience as a five-year-old, I knew that most things usually glum tabu wrong on the first try, so the thought of having to micturate it right in just one try damn heartfelt paralyzed me.With Hell as the ultimate punishment, I began going about the business of learning how to avoid it. It seems that there was a add up a mile long of things that one should or shouldnt do that would say one in the good graces of the Lord. Do not hang out with the pagans down the street (there was a Mormon Church about deuce blocks down). Do not engage in pre-marital sex. Never masturbate. This is just to piss a few the list seems to go on and on.As if the list of things to avoid was not long enough, the minister of our small congregation was incessantly preaching about how unworthy of divinitys love we were. It seemed his favorite... ...to construe those truths for myself. In so doing, I was to create my own belief system. I wanted a belief system that would give me a theatre foundation and the strength to face life. I did not w ant a belief system that was going to paralyze me with fear. I still, to this day, do encounter with the imaginary demons that were placed in my head as a child. My feelings of universe unworthy sometimes surface, but more often than not I feel confident and free following my heart. I feel that God would much rather have me happy and spreading happiness than negligible and spreading misery. Christianity to me these days is just another institution set up by those few who want to take advantage and control the sluttish and tired majority. I can no longer live in fear, so I must stand up and refuse to harken to anyone claiming to know whats best for me. My heart is my only true guide.